the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
