did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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