if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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