I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
