Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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