Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
There's even glitter on my cock...
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