I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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