Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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