i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
