Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
