What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
