How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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