I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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