if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
