She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
