I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I looked at my own cervix.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize