she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
