I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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