I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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