Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
