you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
