happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
