you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
