3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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