Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
