Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
