I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We left an ass print on the piano.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
