I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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