you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
