Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
