Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
