Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
