Do you still have your period?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
