I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
