is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
