I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
