hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize