You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
