You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When are your genitals available?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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