Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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