1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
