Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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