You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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