really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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