His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
