Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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