First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize