I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
