Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
