lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
