I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
