quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
