There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
