i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
