I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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