i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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