why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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