For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
