he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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