You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize