If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
