My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
