I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
