this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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