you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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