Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
