Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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