I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
