That's intense
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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