So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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