My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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