I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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