ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just had sex on a roof
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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