You're my little dorito
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
