U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
be right there i have to get my cape
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
