U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
