My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
