I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we made out on top of his cat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
