im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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