i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
