I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
