I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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