question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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