If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
