Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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