OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
