I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
