Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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