i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
