Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
