The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
