Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
