Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
