The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
