I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
