im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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