She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
