i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
