I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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