if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
