She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
