Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
