We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
