so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it because I queefed?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
