That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
