Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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