I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
