He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
